…entre nous soit dit…

between me you and the gatepost.

Blazaaaaar

There is absolutely nothing happening at the moment.

Nothing

Big fat nothing.

I’m sitting around on my ass (which is still bruised from snowboarding by the way -_-) watching TV shows and movies. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to start studying for my one exam left…. Stupid fucking exam. Meh. Politics is not interesting enough at the moment for me to want to get out of my lovely warm bed and draw myself away from my lovely hard drive full with 300GB worth of procrastination. Beautiful.

At least I’ve stopped going shopping all day every day. Then again, I had to restrain myself at some point from wasting away my precious savings, especially with my trip to Vietnam to see Dom less than a week away. This time next week I shall be attempting to sleep (probably rather unsuccessfully) on some ridiculously uncomfortable chair in the Kuala Lumpur airport with Kristie. And then at 8am the next morning I shall be in Hanoi and hopefully both Dom and Matt will be there as well… If not… well I’m sure Kristie and I will be able to find something to do in the mean time haha.

Tomorrow I will be picking up both of our passports with their new visas from the embassy (and splashing out $150 to cover them both ūüė¶ dangit) and then going to have lunch with Dad followed by buying a whooooooole lot of foreign currency to take away with me. YAY. Exciting yes?

Well that’s about as exciting as I’ve got at the moment.

I send a new picture (and let’s just say, it’s not your average kind of picture *wink wink* if you get what I mean) to Dom and what do I get? No reaction. Then again… at this point I don’t know if he’s even seen it yet.

Eh. Who knows. I’m in the mood for some ridiculously corny chick flicks and a 3rd bowl of ice-cream. PIG OUT SESH.

At least I haven’t had anymore fucked up dreams since a couple of days ago when I dreamt that Phoebe stabbed me in the neck with a fork… and then I passed out bleeding whilst she tricked the people that were trying to help me that she had already called an ambulance when in fact she hadn’t… by the time the people trying to help me realised there was no ambulance coming, called one, and it arrived, I would probably be dead. But I didn’t get that far into the dream. I just started to pass out with a dizzy light headedness and then woke up from the dream. I woke up with that tingling weird sensation on the spot where I had been stabbed – exactly the same as all my other dreams where I get hurt.

… Man I have some fucked up dreams predominately where I get hurt or killed…

Wonder what that means?

Eh.

Icecream tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime XD nighteo

June 29, 2010 Posted by | bored, dreams, observation, Personal, Travel | Leave a comment

Whatever.

So yesterday was stressful. Resulted in me snapping at Erin a couple of times when she was distracting me from study. Then I did my final exam (for the moment) for which I was totally unprepared and had to wing for half of it with some bullshit that I didn’t know and made up. Overall, pretty crap exam. And you know how usually you get so excited and overjoyed at the fact that you’ve finally¬†finished? Yeah, none of that for me. Because I still had two assignments to do and during the holidays, another exam to study for. Fucking ace hey -_-

Anyways, so I came back to college and ended up wasting pretty much the rest of the day before sitting in Erin’s room as more and more people piled in for pre drinks… and steadily drank. Had an interesting conversation with her friend who is a quarter Vietnamese, a quarter French, and half¬†Lebanese… but was brought up in Switzerland… Interesting mix no? So he spoke french as his first language, arabic as his second and english as his third. His friend was also Swiss (but raised here) and was one of those really macho with HUGE guns guys that was totally overcompensating for the fact that he was going to be gay. Or in the very least bisexual. I think he is just going to be gay, but Erin seems to think my gaydar is broken… Problem is, at this age, you can’t really prove¬†that it’s correct, because not that many guys come out of the closet this early.

Anyways that was pretty good and then they all left to go out of the town (something I could be fucked doing because I was going to do my assignment… which I didn’t end up doing but whatever). I got a call about an hour or so later from a extremely drunk and crying Erin asking me to come pick her up, so I did seeing as she was walking home alone back to college after being kicked out from where they were. So I got her upstairs (which was surprisingly easy for once) and then got her in to bed (which was somewhat harder, but for once she actually stayed there, thank goodness). This was, of course, only after¬†she had had her really weird drunken non sensical conversations to 4 other people who were stone sober. One of those sober people was smart enough to get photographic evidence of her. Thank you charles.

After that it sort of started to go down hill. Sort of like a snowy mountain and how the small snowball you drop becomes the huge ass problem as it gathers enough ¬†speed size and momentum rolling down the hill that it just covers an entire house when it finally crashes? Only problem with that analogy is that I don’t know if it’s crashed yet or if it’s still rolling…

I mean yes, I had an emotional night last night and I didn’t end up so well (obviously, given my last post). But I don’t know if that was supposed to be carried over to today. Sort of seems like it has been which I didn’t really expect. I thought there’d just be a reply and that’d be it. Problem is without the reply now, I’m sort of hesitant to book a ticket to Vietnam as planned… which is funny considering everything was so darn sure last week, and this week has just been… well a shambles really.

Maybe it’s exam stress getting to me, maybe it’s my attempt to change sleeping patterns (which was going very well until last night/today) and being tired, or maybe it’s just a plain bad week. I tend to think it’s a combination of all of them really. Because in the last two weeks I’ve been feeling fine and cruisey but at the same time business like, but the key part is, I haven’t been overly emotional. I think I shed a mere one tear and that was it…. so much for that.

I’m better tonight though… well in a manner of speaking: Instead of being emotional and upset I’m sort of more annoyed than anything. Not so much as a result of last night (which I am¬†still freaking confused about) but because of tonight.

*omg I just lost the rest of this post because the internet fucked up. Life hates me*

Basically, tonight we had pre drinks again in Erin’s room but with less people and it was a whole lot less fun. Two girls got REALLY drunk in comparison to the others and one is a really annoying drunk (which I fucking hate when I’m not drunk as well). I ended up driving them to the pub on the proviso that if she got rejected or kicked out she would catch a cab back and not walk (or call me). Turns out, after I got home and finally started my nap, I got called up again by another girl at college asking me to come pick up on of the other girls because she was trashed and had been kicked out.¬†

So back I went, like the freaking nanny that I seem to be at the moment, and then got her back to college and into bed Рwith a number of stops along the way so she could decide if she wanted to vomit some more. Charming. I assure you. Then I went back to having my nap only to be woken up yet again. 

Our floor is supposed to have only 3 of us left at the moment because everyone else has moved out. Not a problem. Except I was woken up at 3am by college people (who don’t even live in this area) standing in the hallway right outside my door talking and laughing loudly.¬†Usually I’d been fine about it, because let’s face it, I’d probably still be up. But no. Not cool. So I dragged myself out of bed, got semi dressed, opened the door, did a I’m still half asleep glare and said, not¬†aggressively¬†but just exhaustedly, “Guys, fuck off… Like usually it wouldn’t be a problem but this area is supposed to be¬†deserted¬†and you’ve been making noise all night down stairs…. So just, leave this area.”

I guess because I look pretty scary when I wake up normally, and this was a time when I’d be disturbed and sleep deprived, I must have looked kinda scary standing in my doorway like that. Plus I’m a year older than them in terms of college and uni, and I was too tired to take the polite way out so I was just straight to the point and frank. They all apologised with horrified looks on their faces and bailed pretty quick as far as I’m aware.

I don’t like to be woken unexpectedly.¬†

When people disturb and wake me unexpectedly, that’s probably my meanest times. I get damn well grouchy. Grouchier than if I was sleep and food deprived for 3 days straight. You don’t mess with me when I’m woken in the middle of sleep. I always felt sorry for my Mum in that respect.

Anyway, that’s the short of it.¬†

There’s only two other pieces of news – both shit of course.

The other day I went back to Mum’s house and sitting in my bookshelf I found an old book I was given by Mel, one of the girls that recently decided they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. She wrote it for me in the summer holidays before year 11 and gave it to me on my 16th birthday: ‘The Life Stories of [me] and Melanie’. It was our joke because when we wrote each other emails or talked on the phone we would ramble a lot and I would always say at the end of really long ones, “and that’s my life story”. So she wrote down a whole bunch of memories and random crap in there and gave it to me. There was a page though which had her thoughts about life on it. And I wish I’d copied it out now, but there was a part that was something along the lines of¬†Sometimes you just can’t help the way you feel.¬†Sometimes you make mistakes in life. Sometimes they’re big and there’s nothing you can do about them, but learn from them and try to move on. I found it kind of ironic to read something that applied so well to the current situation – something that she hadn’t been able to see or move past. So i wrote a note on the back of a picture of her and me saying that she was wiser than she realised and she wasn’t even 16 at the time.

I put in a couple more photos marking a page where she described my character and a page where she described a time we had bonded over breaking up with boyfriends in year 10 haha. Then I put it into a bag with a note saying that it was about time I gave the book back to her because she seemed to need it more than I did. That I still remembered the way we were and everything used to be. That she’d said she didn’t know who I was anymore, and I said that I was still exactly the same person that she wrote about in the book, just that I was a few years older and had a few more mistakes to account for. Then I wished her good luck with everything and said that she would be great one day.

I did all of that about 2 weeks ago and put off sending it to her because I didn’t know if I’d regret it and I thought she was on the verge of maybe wanting to try get past all this shit and talk to me again. Turns out she wasn’t and I don’t… well not really. I can’t decide if I ended up doing it because I was in a bad mood thanks to my mother and exam stress, or if it was just another part of purging all that shit from my life made bolder by my mood at the time. I dunno. Whatever it was, it’s done. It was two days ago and I still haven’t heard from her…. Soooo maybe she just doesn’t care? Or maybe I hurt her? Or maybe she’s just not home at the moment. I don’t know.

And the final last bit of news:

I dropped a unit.

I went to the arts faculty advisor today to clear up some things with her about my special consideration today. Turns out she suggested that I drop one of my politics units ¬†– which she would do for me without academic or financial penalty because of the special consideration – and that way I wouldn’t have to do one of the¬†assignments¬†I was supposed to do tonight and crash and burn trying to do both. So I withdrew from that unit. Turns out that I really just don’t have any where enough motivation at the moment to be able to do five subjects… I don’t really have any¬†motivation for anything¬†at the moment. I decided the other day that I jut don’t have anything to focus on at the moment. I’m drifting so aimlessly. It’s horrifyingly stupid and I can’t stand it.

Next semester I think I’m either only going to do just 3 subjects or 4 at the very most. That way I can focus on those ones and I can work more to get money to bail on this place as soon as the semester is over.

I guess on the bright side at least now I only have one exam to focus on for my deferred examinations at the beginning of next semester. Which means less stress. And the assignments I handed in late anywhere between 3 to 5 weeks, won’t be penalised (well, one is, because I agreed with that tutor yesterday that he just wouldn’t fail me providing it was an alright essay – so the faculty advisor didn’t try to change what I’d already agreed to. I was¬†supposed to lose 50% though so it’s still a good deal).

But it is another set back on finishing university and getting out of here. Which is fucking annoying.

Owell. Whatever.

I’ve got to do this darn essay and then move out of college. Fuck I want sleep. And answers.¬†And money to travel.

Get me out of here.

June 18, 2010 Posted by | bored, Choices, college, confusing!!, drunk/drinking, friends, just a quick note, life, university | 3 Comments

I’ve been sent all the photos from the night before and the day that Dom left lately and going through them I’ve also been editing them. I was mucking around with this one (because it’s my favourite) and I figured I’d post this one up seeing as I liked it. I reckon it looks kind of cool.

May 5, 2010 Posted by | bored, just a quick note, just for shits and giggles, pictures | Leave a comment

Difference

Well today, I actually managed to get a glimpse of my old self again for however breif an amount of time. Admittedly I am always that bit more happier after having talked to Dom and I was a hell of a lot happier last night after having such a shit day… then again, talking to Dom and then going to bed alone is also depressing.

But today was better. I was working with Luke today and he’s my 36year-old-going-on-18-years boss who is positively crazy and has some of the funniest and wildest stories to tell. Today’s best one was probably the poo pig…. Which really DOESN’T need to be expanded on.

But he never fails to make someone laugh and he had me smiling and laughing the whole time today, which was good. It was nice.

I also found that I had a dress that I really want to buy on my mind all day…. And that’s the first time in a while. Usually I would be considered a shopoholic and even when broke I would go to the shops to fins things I wanted to buy, purely because I love shopping. But in the last week couple of weeks shopping has been far from mind because I was spending time with dom. In the last week since he left I’ve been jobless and broke so I haven’t been able to/i haven’t wanted to get out of bed anyway.

But it seems that the ridiculous urge to buy even more things I don’t need may be slightly returning. Go figure.

And lastly, I went to uni today. Its the first time iv been to THAT tutorial (which is compulsory to go to but iv been either skipping or rescheduling) since probably the beginning of semester. So much so that one of the guys saw me and was like “Wow… You’re back…” I aslo had to breifly meet the people in my tutorial presentation group for tomoro because, oh yeah, I have a presentation tomorrow!… Should probably get onto that… Apparently we’re doing a mock “board room meeting”, just to make it “a little more interesting”. Sounds gay but whatever, I’ll roll with it.

Anyways I should probably go figure out what the fuck I’m actually supposed to be presenting. Just thought I’d break the monotonous depressing tones of late with this post.

Tata kudarinos!

May 5, 2010 Posted by | bored, fun, just a quick note, moods, Personal | Leave a comment

GET.ME.OUT.OF.HERE.

I’m currently at work.

I hate work.

I had a shit nights sleep and got up for this shit job. I want nothing more right now than to just crawl up into a ball and have the ground just close up over me. I want to crawl under my doona and hide and sleep. I want to be back in my dark room where sunlight isn’t inflicted on my eyes.

I want to get out of perth.
I want to be in a quiet place with no people or if there has to be people, then lots of them and foreign.
I want to go snowboarding.
I want to take off to europe and not come back.
I want the money to be able to do it.

I want everything to stop.

Fuck work.

May 3, 2010 Posted by | bored, depression, disapointment, just a quick note, life, moods, Personal | Leave a comment

FML…

Ok ignoring my emotional outpouring shit from last night and the fact that I’ve been EXHAUSTED all day as a result, today has been shiiiiiiiiiite.

Today for work we were put out on the same site as yesterday which is practically the hills and half an hour away from the city area. Yesterday it was busy and I almost hit a big target, but today its been DEAD. Actually dead is an understatement. Its honestly depressing.

For the majority of the day I was looking at earning a measely $10 for the whole day – iv spent more than that on food alone! Let’s not even think about the petrol it takes to get out to this site. Its bull shiiiiiiiiite….

Owell. Back to work for the last 20 minutes…

April 3, 2010 Posted by | bored, disapointment, work | Leave a comment

A Disturbing Fact

(Note: I’m guessing most people wouldn’t really care to read this kind of thing so please DO take note of the title!)

This year at college, the room that I nominated to have (and succeeded in getting) is in a hallway with 7 other girls. Now I was quite happy with this fact because I wanted to be in a hallway. The only downside is sharing one bathroom.

Now whilst we ARE girls, this isn’t a problem in terms of all using it at the same time – never had that problem so far. However, it is a slight problem when it comes to the toilet: I was most disturbed this evening to discover that I recognised the smell of my old room mates (as erin would put it) poop.

There is something OUTRAGEOUSLY wrong with that and I truly horrified.

Please wipe the memory from my brain?

March 19, 2010 Posted by | bored, college, just a quick note | Leave a comment