…entre nous soit dit…

between me you and the gatepost.

Blazaaaaar

There is absolutely nothing happening at the moment.

Nothing

Big fat nothing.

I’m sitting around on my ass (which is still bruised from snowboarding by the way -_-) watching TV shows and movies. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to start studying for my one exam left…. Stupid fucking exam. Meh. Politics is not interesting enough at the moment for me to want to get out of my lovely warm bed and draw myself away from my lovely hard drive full with 300GB worth of procrastination. Beautiful.

At least I’ve stopped going shopping all day every day. Then again, I had to restrain myself at some point from wasting away my precious savings, especially with my trip to Vietnam to see Dom less than a week away. This time next week I shall be attempting to sleep (probably rather unsuccessfully) on some ridiculously uncomfortable chair in the Kuala Lumpur airport with Kristie. And then at 8am the next morning I shall be in Hanoi and hopefully both Dom and Matt will be there as well… If not… well I’m sure Kristie and I will be able to find something to do in the mean time haha.

Tomorrow I will be picking up both of our passports with their new visas from the embassy (and splashing out $150 to cover them both ūüė¶ dangit) and then going to have lunch with Dad followed by buying a whooooooole lot of foreign currency to take away with me. YAY. Exciting yes?

Well that’s about as exciting as I’ve got at the moment.

I send a new picture (and let’s just say, it’s not your average kind of picture *wink wink* if you get what I mean) to Dom and what do I get? No reaction. Then again… at this point I don’t know if he’s even seen it yet.

Eh. Who knows. I’m in the mood for some ridiculously corny chick flicks and a 3rd bowl of ice-cream. PIG OUT SESH.

At least I haven’t had anymore fucked up dreams since a couple of days ago when I dreamt that Phoebe stabbed me in the neck with a fork… and then I passed out bleeding whilst she tricked the people that were trying to help me that she had already called an ambulance when in fact she hadn’t… by the time the people trying to help me realised there was no ambulance coming, called one, and it arrived, I would probably be dead. But I didn’t get that far into the dream. I just started to pass out with a dizzy light headedness and then woke up from the dream. I woke up with that tingling weird sensation on the spot where I had been stabbed – exactly the same as all my other dreams where I get hurt.

… Man I have some fucked up dreams predominately where I get hurt or killed…

Wonder what that means?

Eh.

Icecream tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime XD nighteo

June 29, 2010 Posted by | bored, dreams, observation, Personal, Travel | Leave a comment

Weird Ass Dreams… no second meaning there.

Ok so I succumbed to having a nap tonight… it turned into a 3 hour long nap. … Goddamit…

Anyway, I had the most fucked up dreams while I was aslweep. Sooooooooo weird. Like…seriously¬†weird. And ther was maaaaaaany of them I can’t remember how many there were r what order they were in, so I’ll just list some of them. Meh whatever right.

The first one that I remember is one where my sister came home and she was freaking mental. Like ballistic and¬†fidgety, with cray eyes and fast movements. She was fighting with me (and for some reason my friend’s girlfriend Izzy (who I’ve only met once) was there as well with me) and argumentative. Eventually I figured out that she was on drugs and tried asking her repeatedly what she was on but she was getting dangerous crazy and I was scared she was going to hurt someone so I locked her in a room. The best I can describe her was reminding me of like a¬†fierce¬†and vicious hyena – absolutely bonkers and deadly.

The next snippet (although I’m not sure if it was in this order) was of the family getting into this HUGE hotel place that was like ¬†a shopping centre set up down the bottom and then just HUGE above that with bridges and stair crossing the crazy big gap in the middle. From going through there we managed to get into this little apartment where we were hiding out (except even though it was an apartment, we could still see other families because there were communal areas or glass window or something… I can’t remember). We were on the run because the government had brought in this new plan where you had to have a certain type of like… visa thing I guess. Or an allowance to stay. Or something…. or else you’d been taken away and rounded up – and everyone knew that was a bad thing so there were thousands of people in hiding/on the run and thousands of agents (in the stereotype black suits with white ties haha imagination fail lol) who were searching people out and rounding up. I kept telling my Mum that even though we were in a hotel apartment thing, we were still going to be asked for our notes of allowance/visa things and it wouldn’t work. They just told me to hush and to keep pretending. But then we saw agents arrive at the family group not far from where we were all sitting eating dinner and ask them. I said I told you so (duh) and we swung into action.

The scene changed then (as they often do in dreams) so that we weren’t sitting in a high rise apartment that looked over the whole city and would have been impossible to escape from. Instead, we were on the banks below a bridge along railway tracks. Dad says that he thinks he can distract the police and uses his powers (yes he suddenly had powers to move objects with the flick of his hand, WTF) to knock a huge tree over and down the bank so it comes crashing down onto the path (and I’m pretty sure it derails a train… which was just coincidentally there at the same time). Thus begins the escape.

So I’m riding down the freeway on a motor bike at high speeds. Considering I’ve never driven a motorbike before, it’s pretty ridiculous but whatever. it was definitely the freeway that I use to drive home from college – a freeway I know well except with one difference: it was like I was in Asia instead. There were asian people driving around me and they were all driving close and erratic – something I wasn’t used to driving in myself. I changed lanes to get around the person in front of me and saw that there was a guy on a bike as well coming up in that lane fast but I still did it. That was fine. But I changed into the lane another one across so that way I would be out of his way/I could get away from him. Now I know my indicator wasn’t working and I hadn’t used it through all of this, but I didn’t see his indicator go on and I didn’t see him start to move off either. So what happened after that is either because of me, or because he changed lanes as well and I guess hit the back of my tire, so it set me off.

Either way, I lost control of the bike and the handle bars wobbled uncontrollably as the tire swung¬†repetitively¬†and fast out of control. It’s the same sensation I had when I was a kid going down a really steep hill and let my brakes off – I lost control of my bike, went over the handle bars and blacked out. I should have had stitches in my head but didn’t, woke up with huge cuts and grazes on both elbows, knees, and sides of my hips and head. I lost 3 teeth, had a minor concussion and soaked a jumper and t-shirt in blood from my head alone. Needless to say, as a kid, I was¬†traumatised¬†about bikes and hills haha. Anyway, the sensation of losing control of my bike was the same, except bigger and more powerful… and more heavy – coz there’s a huge difference in weight between a bicycle and a motorbike! So the handle bars went out from beneath me and I was thrown. I somehow landed (and rolled) sideways instead of flying forwards straight to hit my head/face/back first. Somehow I was also¬†conscious¬†of how I was rolling/tumbling and so I was able to keep my head and face from hitting the ground. My body just got battered around violently instead. I could feel the skin being grated from my arms and the pants I was wearing tearing to shreds to reveal my legs to the harsh¬†bitumen. Somehow whilst all this was happening I didn’t get run over or hit by any other vehicles and no one had a pile up or stopped because of it… well when I finally stopped and managed to get up it turned out there was a huge accident, but whatever.

I was in pain and as far as I could tell I hadn’t broken anything and my head was fine, although I did have blood slowly dribbling down my face, so I guess there was a minor cut or something. This is the weird part though. I was sort of checking myself for injury whilst sobbing when I discovered my two main injuries: huge nastily deep gashes – one on each butt cheek. As if that wasn’t weird enough, they weren’t bleeding or anything because for some reason my butt wasn’t like a normal butt here…. it was… I dunno… like, this is going to sound gross, but it’s the best example of likeness I can think of, you know when you get a big slab of ham for cooking or whatever, and there’s always that layer or thick congealed pinky grey fat on the edge. It’s always solid enough so you can cut through it and it’s not jelly like or anything, it’s like… I dunno… I really don’t. It was just fucking WEIRD.¬†And so both of them were really really deep, and you know when you get a tiny cut you can like pull the two sides of skin apart and back together and it looks freaky? Yeah well you could do that with these two gashes as well except there was no blood and they were super deep.¬†Like I said, fucking weird. But feeling/seeing that made me start crying excessively in a “what the fuck” in a state of traumatic shock kind of way.¬†There were cops and lights flashing so I walked towards them and because I was in a state of shock and wide eyed crying, I couldn’t say anything. Just cry with my arms out in a frozen stance, turn in a circle so the police man could see I was pretty battered up and injured. Then I showed him the two gashes. Yeah he was pretty shocked then too. It was something freaky and fucked up… soooooo not natural.

I woke up at this point and the only thing i could remember was the last part – the accident. And there’s nothing worse than waking up from a fucked up dream where you can still feel that same sensation. It’s just so surreal having ghost sensations like that…

Then it sort of skips to me being back at home standing in the bathroom still all mussed up, bloody and horrified about the gashes from the accident. My sister then comes into the connected bedroom at that point (she’s no longer crazy eyes¬†neurotic) and saying something about how I can’t keep her locked up for ages. Then she¬†realises¬†I’m messed up and shaking and then it sort of cut out again…

And then the last part I can remember is a scene in a dorm or something where there’s a whole bunch of us girls that sleep there. We’re all getting ready for bed and there’s a big glass screen in the wall behind where our beds are and on the other side there’s my friends from school – the ones no longer speaking to me. Phoebe and Aimee are the only two I end up talking to/arguing with through the screen. I don’t actually remember what was said between us, I just remember it mainly being Aimee and her being all angry and feisty towards me while I just got really frustrated at it all. Well I mean, the reality of it is pretty similar if you think about it – if I talked to Aimee it probably would¬†end up like that seeing as she has sworn before and again more recently that she will protect and fight for Phoebe to the grave because she loves her. So she will¬†get nasty and shout… and then, knowing how Aimee is, she’ll probably get so worked up and shout so much that she’ll start crying… yeahhh… I’ve seen her do that with Ivan on Phoebe’s behalf before. So I’d say it’s a pretty likely outcome against me as well. Owell. That’s over anyway.

In there somewhere there was also something about a boat arriving and being near cliffs… possibly swimming out to save someone who was in the water and finding ghostly white dead bodies floating randomly in the water? Or maybe that was another dream? I can’t remember. I’m pretty sure there was something about boats though and escaping from the beach. I remember that because I remember a shot of the city like it was being shot from camera in a helicopter. It was like a fly around shot of the city circling the big ass (and nice) high rise hotel/apartment place we’d hidden in earlier. Then the shot finished by moving away from the building to a road that runs along the beach and a high speed chase going along there (a shot sort of like you would get from a police helicopter that flies over high speed chases with big spotlights).

That’s the thing about my dreams, they’re always strangely¬†cinematographic. Don’t get me wrong, it makes it more enjoyable I suppose… but I dunno. Anyway, they’re all sort of slipping out of memory now. I can’t remember the rest of them. But those ones were weird enough as it is and this post is already fucking long enough. *sigh*

Goodnight peeps xx

June 14, 2010 Posted by | dreams, drugs, experiences, fuuuuucked up! | Leave a comment

Dreams

I had a dream last night that Dom died… Not cool.

And then I had a dream this morning where I got married… To my mum.

Tell me that that’s not COMPLETELY and utterly FUCKED UP.

May 19, 2010 Posted by | death, dreams | Leave a comment

A Strange and Haunting Dream of Floating Bodies and the Colour Purple

I’m writing this down so that I don’t forget it… although I have already had one small sleep between the actual dream itself so now it is becoming hazy… ok no, jut trying to think of a spot to start¬†at is making me remember random things that I’m now trying to figure out how the heck they tied in.

It started with myself and my family going to the beach on sunny day. My aunt asked me to look after her kid who was around 2 years old – ¬†a little boy who I can’t remember the name of now, but for the purpose of this I shall call him Reed (the name of my smallest male cousin who is 2). I was putting sunscreen on him and one of my other cousins cousin who is around 11 (Joel). I asked my Boss (I think it was my Boss, but I’m not sure – it may have been another male that was there with me) ¬†to look after Reed for 2 seconds while I finished putting sunscreen on Joel’s arms. During that time my Boss put Reed bak down on the sand in his nappie and walked off. Reed gave me this¬†mischievous¬†look when I looked in his direction and then bolted straight for the water.

I screamed after Reed and got up as fast as I could, pushing Joel slightly out of the way so I could run after Reed. I tried to grab him a couple of times but he was either just out of reach or when I lunged I ended up tripping over in the sand and water. Reed managed to make it under the water and he didn’t resurface. By this point in time I’m screaming hysterically for him and diving under the water looking for him and his tiny body (at this point in the dream he as now wearing a little top with thick red and white stripes and blue pants). At one point when I went under the water, I screamed because I saw some red and white floating material in my peripherals to the right – floating in that eery was that clothes do on a dead person underwater – but when I turned it was gone.¬†I came back up to the surface and Joel’s older brother was there, Mitchell, asking what was wrong. He seemed so calm though and didn’t really care. I dived underwater another couple of times frantically looking for Reed but I couldn’t find him.¬†

Then the my memory skips a bit to a part where I’m in the bathrooms of a school (supposedly my school) with some friends and we were changing our uniforms (which were different – more like a private schools with small pleated tartan skirts and white blouses). We were in the middle of a relatively normal conversation and then it was like my memory remembered it was in the middle of a different dream and skipped back to the one about Reed. In the middle of the conversation with the girls I randomly blurted out “I can’t do this, I’ve got to go back and look for Reed more!” So then I ran out of the bathroom into the¬†corridor¬†(which was a very gothic build with rounded stone archways and pillars).

Then my dream did one of those split decision things where one second it’s one thing and the next it’s something else. This time, it was a¬†gigantic¬†humpback whale leaping out of the water and crashing back down (because the ocean was deep and right in front of the pillars, like as if the school was built over the sea); and the next second on the other side of the pillars I was looking at the view of the beach that I used to get from the old club house when I did Surf Club years ago.¬†So I ran down the beach and went to look for Reed’s body again.

Then my memory of the dream lapses for a bit and the rest is in bits and pieces. Let’s keep in mind I had this dream at least 4 hours ago now, I had a dreamless sleep afterwards, and the dream itself was broken up about 3 or 4 times (yes I’m weird like that where I can wake up, go back to sleep and back to the same dream). From here on in it’s fuzzy and bits overlap.

So then I remember being upstairs in my house and talking to someone – possibly my sister – when I glanced out the window and noticed there was a floating red shape in the pool. When I looked properly I realised that it was a floating baby upside down in the water with the same shirt Reed had had on. So of course I screamed his name and then dashed down stairs and outside to get him. Of course, by this stage he was well and truly dead and rigor mortis had set in – don’t ask me how the hell he ended up in my pool considering we never found him at the beach. I don’t remember picking him up, but I’m pretty sure I did and then he was placed on the table outside. It was very strange.

By this stage the rest of my family was out the back sitting down the other end of the table talking and I had to finally talk to my aunt and family about the whole thing (even though they’d all been there at the time). I was crying I remember that. Now it goes in two directions and I’m not sure which comes first.

Part One.

We were all talking and by this stage we were suspicious and trying to figure out the conspiracy that was going on. When we were going over the events of what had really happened that day, I had to correct them – I’d always taken the blame for losing Reed and ¬†never mentioned the fact that I’d asked someone else to look after him for a couple of minutes and they’d¬†abandoned him. At this point I did speak up though (rather dramatically with¬†pauses¬†and everything I might add). I said it was Mitchell and looked at him where he was sitting quietly down the end (yes at this point it was no longer my Boss, but my cousin Mitchell who had done it). He cast me an evil look and argued with something else, but I can’t remember it all.

Part Two

At some point while we were all talking we noticed slight movement of of Reed’s hands. Turned out he was alive – don’t ask me how, but he was. Then it skipped a bit and all of a sudden Reed wasn’t the little dead baby but he was in fact a seedy man of around 40 years old and he was claiming to be Reed. Everyone else was amazed he was alive and it seemed only I could see how it was false. It was supposed to be 17 years later or something – well that’s what the bad guys tried to convince us of later on – except we were all the same age and in the same place we’d been a split second ago… go figure. It really just did not¬†add up.

But anyways, point is, Reed supposedly wasn’t dead, and we were now caught in a very suspicious¬†conspiracy¬†which I was determined to figure out. My mind is really almost gone now, so this last part should be quick.

We set up a group of us who began to research and look into who this guy claiming to be Reed and his friends were. They were like mobsters or something, and we began a court trial to try and frame them for Reed’s murder (don’t know how it jumped to being murder, but it did).We didn’t seem to have any sufficient evidence against they’re group even though we new that they were plainly guilty of it. We had a little secret meeting room where we would try and figure out more evidence because we had to be careful in case either the mobsters listened in or they tried to kill us if they knew where we were and that we knew too much.

One day when everyone else had left the meeting and I was just about to walk out the door, the head of our group (an older professor from our school) called me back and told me to meet him in a certain room ¬†at a certain time because he had something to show me. It had gotten to the point where we could trust very few people and us two were the only ones left who weren’t doubtable. So I agreed and went.

When I got there he was leaning against the window looking outwards with a little girl around 11 years old standing a few meters away in silence. they both turned to face me as I entered the room and shut the door. She was a pretty girl with dark brown hair in two long braids down her side, big shiny brown eyes, creamy to dark skin, and wearing a purple dress with white petticoats. The professor introduced me to her, I think her name was something like¬†Marianne and she simply handed me a tape. He then told me that this was the most important thing we could find and that it was all over now, but I had to guard it with my life and tell no one. I agreed, curious, and the next thing I remember is being alone in that room and watching the tape.¬†I didn’t watch it all because if I spent too long watching it then someone would find me and kill me for it, but I did watch the beginning of it.

I knew it had multiple stories on it. Marianne had collected them somehow. It’s not at all really possible, but hey, this was a dream, so anything is possible. Marianne was the first story on there and it was like I was hit with a vision, not really watching on tv – I seemed to see it with my mind (if you’ve seen Minority report then the vision was very choppy and dark like the ones in that film). It began with her story and I can’t remember it all now, but she was a poor girl from a destitute family, and she had been offered these purple silk shoes that were like ballet slippers by this man. The image that accompanied the voiceover started with the shot at her feet. The first foot you saw was wearing a ragged shoe and you could tell it was what her normal life was like, and then it seemed that the other foot floated into view and it was wearing the most beautiful purple silk ballet slipper with ribbons wrapping around the ankle.

Then the shot slowly floated so that the rest of her body was in view as well. It was at this point that you realised that you were in the ocean and looking from below her body as it floated lifeless and pale, dark hair floating loosely and in stark contrast. The purple silk shoe was matched by a once beautiful and vibrant purple dress, which was now in tatters and drifting around her corpse. Somehow in the story that Marianne seemed to be telling as a voiceover whilst showing me these images, I also learned who it was that had done it, how they had done it and how many other people they had done it to. 

Once I knew this I turned it off, grabbed the tape and the papers I had with the most important information on them and ran for it. It was the only copy and it was all I needed. I don’t know where I was supposed to be going, all I know i that I didn’t trust anybody. At some point I ran into my cousin Joel (the 11 year old cousin) who had been on my team the whole time, and he somehow knew about the tape and said that I should let him take the tape to the courts. There was something about the way that he said and was so¬†persistent ¬†that I didn’t trust, so I kept saying no and clutching it tighter to me as I tried to get away. He then turned on me and told me with a snarl that it was already over and that I could never win against their gang.

There’s a big black patch after that, although I do remember at one point I realised that to be able to win this, I was probably going to die. It was like I had a moment of realisation and acceptance. Then the last scene of the dream was in the court room and the mobsters had been found guilty. it was like at the end of a movie when the main character dies and it’s because of them that the final happy ending is reached – their¬†sacrifice¬† solves the mystery. The pictures of all the innocent kids that had been killed were shown on¬†polaroids¬†– all of them drowned. The last one that was shown was a close up of a face with the eyes shut in death and the hair waving in¬†every direction¬†with the currents of the water. They said her name was Chloe and it was supposed to be my character throughout the dream.¬†¬†

I don’t know how it was all solved – how the professor got the tape back or the folded pieces of paper I’d had with me, but he was the only one sitting at the bench where I’d used to argue from. It seemed like he was the only one left from our team after betrayal and murder. He sat alone and still clutching the last piece of paper I remember having as everyone else bustled around him at the end of the hearing. That image as the shot faded out into the distance is the last one I remember from the dream.

I have strange dreams for sure, and they usually play out like a movie, but never are they so clear and haunting, or strong when it comes to the actual narrative. I’m well over wondering what my dreams mean. they’re always so odd, that if I tried to read them for some hidden meaning, I’d probably end up being sent to a loony bin for being paranoid about being killed by one thing or another. This one was¬†definitely¬†strange though. The image of a drifting body underwater is persistent and eerie. It’s¬†plaguing¬†my mind now along with the image of that purple shoe floating. It was very like the scene in Minority Report where Anne Lively’s body is¬†drifting¬†underwater and the only colour used amongst the¬†monotone¬†vision is the stark red. But I haven’t been thinking about Minority Report lately, so why are there so many similarities…?

June 25, 2009 Posted by | dreams, sleep, weird | Leave a comment

My Boss : Part 16 (A dream)

I’ve had a restless and unsuccessful night’s sleep so far, but I just woke from a dream which I want to write down so I remember it. In one way I’m thinking is probably slightly to punish myself and remember what I’ve done. Who knows…

The dream was us at work except strangely it was set inside my room at my Dad’s old house. My Boss, his fiance, one of the other girls and I were all there working together. Everything was fine for a small portion as we bustled around the place. I wasn’t talking to him on the majority. I very vaguely saying a few words to me. I think they were supposed to be words about how he was sorting things out and it was going to be alright, but I’m not completely sure. He was talking to his fiance and following her around the ‘store’ that was my room asking her things and she seemed to be continuing to bustle so that that way she wouldn’t really have to face him.¬†She seemed pretty upset but you could only tell by the occasional quiver or tremor in her voice.¬†

I don’t remember all of the conversations in the dream but I remember small pieces here and there. I remember him saying to her firstly, “See this is exactly what I mean about you putting up barriers and blocking me out.” They fought a bit after that at a relatively normal voice level. Me and the other girl working continued to sort of pretend to be busy and try not to look like we were listening in. They were arguing and the fiance was beginning to get more upset, teary and hoarse as she said things and he was starting to shout things back in the same hoarse fashion. By this stage I was standing next to the bed very still and looking down, trying not to disturb them or get caught in between them. I can’t remember what they were yelling at this point, but the fiance stopped a foot in front of my to face my Boss who was now standing beside me and leaning on the bunk bed. I was so aware of the fact that he was fighting with her while standing next to me that I felt guilty so I picked up a small cloth and moved away to the stereo on the other side of the room.

Then my Boss was asking exasperatedly, “Then why¬†is it I have someone talking to all my friends today about my desire issues?” By this stage I was placing the cloth over on the table like table cloth type thing and for some reason the fiance had followed me across to make sure I did it right, so their conversation was still right next to me. She turned bak to him and was yelling something sarcastically about how of course if they split up he’d want to make sure that his dick was ok after all the trauma and everything. At this point I made to leave from the room and headed straight for the door. They didn’t notice as far as I could tell and I only heard things about them fighting about how it was or wasn’t about his dick.

As I left the room, I passed into the dark hallway and the living room both which were dark except for the light spilling in from the kitchen where my sister was sat at the dining table doing the crossword for some reason. I sat down next to her and she asked me when my Boss and his fiance were finally going to either get married or split up, and I said that they had broken up Рa fact which I had to pretend I had no reason to know why and that I had just found out about, while I guiltily and secretly had already known for a few days because he had told me. My sister used to work at the same place so she knows them both well and she was shocked but she seemed to listen to them and me like it was just the gossip, nothing more.

While I was telling her this there was hysterical and very raised hoarse shouting coming from my Boss and his fiance in the room I had left before. I don’t remember it all but I remember the sound of it and it was heartbreakingly horrible to hear it. The hauntingly clearest part was his fiance screaming “Then why…” I didn’t catch the last part, but you could just hear the desperation and pleading in her voice. and then his answer came back even worse as he shouted, “This is all¬†your fault.”¬†

But the sound of that last part was the most horrible of all and that’s the part that I woke up with resounding in my head over and over again biting into me. It wasn’t cruel or blaming in the sense that males are usually portrayed as through stereotypes –¬†aggressive, dangerous and threatening as they blame the woman for everything. It was more like he was on the last straw and couldn’t take it any longer. Like he was desperate and said this as a last attempt to tell her. Of course having it repeating in my head when I woke, I felt like it was more a message to me instead of his fiance – guilty¬†conscience¬†on my behalf kicking in much?

Anyway, he then stormed out of the bedroom he had been in and walked across the hall (strangely the house morphed at that point to have some extra parts, because the area that he walked straight out and into didn’t exist in my Dad’s old house). He had a couple – three I think and all women – people chase close behind him and I was pretty sure none of them were his fiance. My first reaction was to go see how she was because I could just imagine her still in the bedroom probably on the floor quietly sobbing uncontrollably. Strangely, after that first instinct in the dream I then thought that I probably should¬†go to see My Boss first to make sure he was OK and not her. The obligation lied with him¬†though and not the fiance that I actually wanted¬†to check on.¬†Strange priorities for my dream I guess. Then again I had the same reaction when he texted me that they were no longer together.

Funnily though I remember odd details from the dream with vivid memory as well. Like the fact that my dad had been using the bathroom at the time and at one point when my sister and I had been listening to the fighting down the hall, he farted. My sister then turned to me and said, “Yeah dad’s taking a shit.” I then replied with, “Oh. What charming noises to have mixed into this” referring to the yelling match. Other small details as well like the fact that my sister was eating out the bowls my dad always used, eating the Oat mix he used to eat; the fact that I still had scarves and ribbons tied in a web thing on the bunk bed in my room like I used to when I was a kid; the stereo had moved areas in my room; and that it was stormy and dark outside the window of my room but just dark and normal outside the window outside the kitchen.

But most of all ¬†just remember the horrible sounds of both of their voices as they shouted. Not the normal shouting match kind, but the desperate breaking kind that sounds so rough and like it’s going to break – the really emotional kind of shout of someone at their wits end and exasperated. It was horrible and heart breaking. I never ever¬†want to hear that again.

June 3, 2009 Posted by | dreams, emotions, love, people, Personal, secrets, trouble, work | Leave a comment