…entre nous soit dit…

between me you and the gatepost.

Weird Ass Dreams… no second meaning there.

Ok so I succumbed to having a nap tonight… it turned into a 3 hour long nap. … Goddamit…

Anyway, I had the most fucked up dreams while I was aslweep. Sooooooooo weird. Like…seriously weird. And ther was maaaaaaany of them I can’t remember how many there were r what order they were in, so I’ll just list some of them. Meh whatever right.

The first one that I remember is one where my sister came home and she was freaking mental. Like ballistic and fidgety, with cray eyes and fast movements. She was fighting with me (and for some reason my friend’s girlfriend Izzy (who I’ve only met once) was there as well with me) and argumentative. Eventually I figured out that she was on drugs and tried asking her repeatedly what she was on but she was getting dangerous crazy and I was scared she was going to hurt someone so I locked her in a room. The best I can describe her was reminding me of like a fierce and vicious hyena – absolutely bonkers and deadly.

The next snippet (although I’m not sure if it was in this order) was of the family getting into this HUGE hotel place that was like  a shopping centre set up down the bottom and then just HUGE above that with bridges and stair crossing the crazy big gap in the middle. From going through there we managed to get into this little apartment where we were hiding out (except even though it was an apartment, we could still see other families because there were communal areas or glass window or something… I can’t remember). We were on the run because the government had brought in this new plan where you had to have a certain type of like… visa thing I guess. Or an allowance to stay. Or something…. or else you’d been taken away and rounded up – and everyone knew that was a bad thing so there were thousands of people in hiding/on the run and thousands of agents (in the stereotype black suits with white ties haha imagination fail lol) who were searching people out and rounding up. I kept telling my Mum that even though we were in a hotel apartment thing, we were still going to be asked for our notes of allowance/visa things and it wouldn’t work. They just told me to hush and to keep pretending. But then we saw agents arrive at the family group not far from where we were all sitting eating dinner and ask them. I said I told you so (duh) and we swung into action.

The scene changed then (as they often do in dreams) so that we weren’t sitting in a high rise apartment that looked over the whole city and would have been impossible to escape from. Instead, we were on the banks below a bridge along railway tracks. Dad says that he thinks he can distract the police and uses his powers (yes he suddenly had powers to move objects with the flick of his hand, WTF) to knock a huge tree over and down the bank so it comes crashing down onto the path (and I’m pretty sure it derails a train… which was just coincidentally there at the same time). Thus begins the escape.

So I’m riding down the freeway on a motor bike at high speeds. Considering I’ve never driven a motorbike before, it’s pretty ridiculous but whatever. it was definitely the freeway that I use to drive home from college – a freeway I know well except with one difference: it was like I was in Asia instead. There were asian people driving around me and they were all driving close and erratic – something I wasn’t used to driving in myself. I changed lanes to get around the person in front of me and saw that there was a guy on a bike as well coming up in that lane fast but I still did it. That was fine. But I changed into the lane another one across so that way I would be out of his way/I could get away from him. Now I know my indicator wasn’t working and I hadn’t used it through all of this, but I didn’t see his indicator go on and I didn’t see him start to move off either. So what happened after that is either because of me, or because he changed lanes as well and I guess hit the back of my tire, so it set me off.

Either way, I lost control of the bike and the handle bars wobbled uncontrollably as the tire swung repetitively and fast out of control. It’s the same sensation I had when I was a kid going down a really steep hill and let my brakes off – I lost control of my bike, went over the handle bars and blacked out. I should have had stitches in my head but didn’t, woke up with huge cuts and grazes on both elbows, knees, and sides of my hips and head. I lost 3 teeth, had a minor concussion and soaked a jumper and t-shirt in blood from my head alone. Needless to say, as a kid, I was traumatised about bikes and hills haha. Anyway, the sensation of losing control of my bike was the same, except bigger and more powerful… and more heavy – coz there’s a huge difference in weight between a bicycle and a motorbike! So the handle bars went out from beneath me and I was thrown. I somehow landed (and rolled) sideways instead of flying forwards straight to hit my head/face/back first. Somehow I was also conscious of how I was rolling/tumbling and so I was able to keep my head and face from hitting the ground. My body just got battered around violently instead. I could feel the skin being grated from my arms and the pants I was wearing tearing to shreds to reveal my legs to the harsh bitumen. Somehow whilst all this was happening I didn’t get run over or hit by any other vehicles and no one had a pile up or stopped because of it… well when I finally stopped and managed to get up it turned out there was a huge accident, but whatever.

I was in pain and as far as I could tell I hadn’t broken anything and my head was fine, although I did have blood slowly dribbling down my face, so I guess there was a minor cut or something. This is the weird part though. I was sort of checking myself for injury whilst sobbing when I discovered my two main injuries: huge nastily deep gashes – one on each butt cheek. As if that wasn’t weird enough, they weren’t bleeding or anything because for some reason my butt wasn’t like a normal butt here…. it was… I dunno… like, this is going to sound gross, but it’s the best example of likeness I can think of, you know when you get a big slab of ham for cooking or whatever, and there’s always that layer or thick congealed pinky grey fat on the edge. It’s always solid enough so you can cut through it and it’s not jelly like or anything, it’s like… I dunno… I really don’t. It was just fucking WEIRD. And so both of them were really really deep, and you know when you get a tiny cut you can like pull the two sides of skin apart and back together and it looks freaky? Yeah well you could do that with these two gashes as well except there was no blood and they were super deep. Like I said, fucking weird. But feeling/seeing that made me start crying excessively in a “what the fuck” in a state of traumatic shock kind of way. There were cops and lights flashing so I walked towards them and because I was in a state of shock and wide eyed crying, I couldn’t say anything. Just cry with my arms out in a frozen stance, turn in a circle so the police man could see I was pretty battered up and injured. Then I showed him the two gashes. Yeah he was pretty shocked then too. It was something freaky and fucked up… soooooo not natural.

I woke up at this point and the only thing i could remember was the last part – the accident. And there’s nothing worse than waking up from a fucked up dream where you can still feel that same sensation. It’s just so surreal having ghost sensations like that…

Then it sort of skips to me being back at home standing in the bathroom still all mussed up, bloody and horrified about the gashes from the accident. My sister then comes into the connected bedroom at that point (she’s no longer crazy eyes neurotic) and saying something about how I can’t keep her locked up for ages. Then she realises I’m messed up and shaking and then it sort of cut out again…

And then the last part I can remember is a scene in a dorm or something where there’s a whole bunch of us girls that sleep there. We’re all getting ready for bed and there’s a big glass screen in the wall behind where our beds are and on the other side there’s my friends from school – the ones no longer speaking to me. Phoebe and Aimee are the only two I end up talking to/arguing with through the screen. I don’t actually remember what was said between us, I just remember it mainly being Aimee and her being all angry and feisty towards me while I just got really frustrated at it all. Well I mean, the reality of it is pretty similar if you think about it – if I talked to Aimee it probably would end up like that seeing as she has sworn before and again more recently that she will protect and fight for Phoebe to the grave because she loves her. So she will get nasty and shout… and then, knowing how Aimee is, she’ll probably get so worked up and shout so much that she’ll start crying… yeahhh… I’ve seen her do that with Ivan on Phoebe’s behalf before. So I’d say it’s a pretty likely outcome against me as well. Owell. That’s over anyway.

In there somewhere there was also something about a boat arriving and being near cliffs… possibly swimming out to save someone who was in the water and finding ghostly white dead bodies floating randomly in the water? Or maybe that was another dream? I can’t remember. I’m pretty sure there was something about boats though and escaping from the beach. I remember that because I remember a shot of the city like it was being shot from camera in a helicopter. It was like a fly around shot of the city circling the big ass (and nice) high rise hotel/apartment place we’d hidden in earlier. Then the shot finished by moving away from the building to a road that runs along the beach and a high speed chase going along there (a shot sort of like you would get from a police helicopter that flies over high speed chases with big spotlights).

That’s the thing about my dreams, they’re always strangely cinematographic. Don’t get me wrong, it makes it more enjoyable I suppose… but I dunno. Anyway, they’re all sort of slipping out of memory now. I can’t remember the rest of them. But those ones were weird enough as it is and this post is already fucking long enough. *sigh*

Goodnight peeps xx

June 14, 2010 Posted by | dreams, drugs, experiences, fuuuuucked up! | Leave a comment

Shout out to The Doors


Ok so last night I decided to watch the movie ‘The Doors’ starring Val Kilmer, Meg Ryan and Kyle MacLachlan. I’d heard about it before and been told it was really good, so on Thursday when I went to the video store to get out ‘A Street Car Named Desire‘ and ‘In Cold Blood‘ for university, I nabbed The Doors as well.

Val Kilmer actually has an uncanny resemblence to Jim Morrison (left: the movie poster featuring Val Kilmer), although that’s probably more to do with the hair and the jaw structure than anything else, and he does an extremely good job in the role.

Along side him was Meg Ryan, which was a great suprise to me, because of all the female actresses I could think of for the part of Pam, there’s no way she would have even come close to the top of that list. No way. I’m still not sure I liked her for the part. I think it’s her voice that had me iffy about it (as strange as that may sound). But watching the movie, I couldn’t believe some of the things she was put through. I had no idea she even existed (below right: the real Pam Courson and Jim Morrison – she’s fucking gorgeous), but more to the point, some of the things that happened were just plain crazy!

[NOTE: the following are spoilers, so if you plan on watching it (which you should) then don’t read the following]

For example there’s a thanksgiving scene in which Jim and Pam are supposed to be hosting the party, but they both take acid, so they’re completely tripping. Jim comes out with the “roast” duck which is charred black. Pam gets really upset when she sees that Jim’s “mistress” came to the party and they start to have a fight and get pulled apart. Then Pam sees the duck and continues to go off her head at Jim screaming that he killed her duck. Their fight escalates until there’s a knife involved and they’re both threatening each other. Jim puts the knife in her hand kneels before her and pulls his shirt open and they stand there for a minute yelling at each other with knife still held above him. Then they realise they love each other sooooo much blah blah blah and they’re just high. Everyone leaves at that point rather than put up with anymore of their craziness.

There’s a couple of threatened deaths throughout it. Jim threatens to jump out windows/off building ledges outside windows a couple of times and Pam has to climb out for him. He also has another fight with her which results in her locked in the cupboard and him setting it on fire before bailing. She gets out and they get back together a while later. They were both outrageously high in basically all of these scenes though. Both drug addicts obviously.

There’s another really weird scene which was the one I was originally told about and why it was recommended to me – to see the drug tripping scene in the desert  – the Peyote scene. True to form, it was crazy, but not quite as crazy as I was expecting I guess. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely worth watching for that like 2 minutes of them just completely tripping out. (click on the link to the youtube video and skip forward to 1.30 mins. And the best parts end around 4.20 mins)

The amount of drugs they took though, I honestly just don’t know how the fuck they managed to stay alive (for as long as they did). I really really don’t. It was inevitable that he was going to die, but I just don’t know how he survived as long as he did. He had one fucked up drug fueled lifestyle – that is for sure.

Still, if I’d been alive at the time, I have no doubt I would have joined them, and no doubt that I would have thrown myself at him aswell – he was fucking sexy. You can’t deny it:

Then again, he makes long hair look fucking good, and his jaw line is pure drool-worthy! I have loved this picture of him for sooooooo long. And who could resist his singing and lyrics? Sometimes they’re completely wacked up, but who gives? I don’t know why but I’ve always thought guys from that era were kind of good looking. Weird huh. 

But anyways back to the movie: they managed to get a lot of historical events which was awesome – a lot of the crazy things that he did on stage was put into the film (as it should be). For example to the left is the real picture of Jim at one of the concerts they performed and it’s portrayed in the movie – with him falling in exactly the same position and wearing exactly the same clothing. He had been sprayed in the eye with pepper spray by the cops right before that concert, was so high that it was surprising he didn’t have a heart attack right there and then on stage. He was arrested halfway through that concert and never finished it. 

And without further adue, seeing as I’ve delayed it so far, here’s the actual trailer for the movie:

I remember the first time I heard the doors, it was at my Dad’s house. I guess he liked them all along, but he went through a phase of really liking them and just leaving the dvd of the different concerts on play permanently. He’d get the hue speakers connected up and blasting as he went around the house doing things. Maybe that’s why I originally thought the doors were so cool, but then I actually did grow to love them. So much. Now they’re one of my favourite bands of all time… and like all good bands, sadly, one of the members had to die – it’s pretty much the rule.

Lets face it: they were fucking legends.

Don’t try denying it.

It won’t work.


SIDE NOTE: I was disgusted to find in my youtube search for the thanksgiving scene that one of the results that came up as a listed match for my search of ‘the doors movie scene death’, was a video bout Edward Cullen from Twilight entitled ‘Eyes, Arms .. and you Lips || Edward’ POV’. I was positively horrified. And to top it off, it was a stupid and pathetic fan made video by some peanut sized brain swoony chit. SHAME ON YOU YOUTUBE!

March 27, 2010 Posted by | drugs, drunk/drinking, Film Review, just a quick note, just for shits and giggles, movie review, movies, photography, youtube stuff | Leave a comment

Quote of the Week #23

Instead of my traditional styled Quote of the Week, this time I went for a little bit of photo editing to create a quote of the week picture! That’s right people, get excited! 

It’s a Jim Morrison quote about his hair. He has some damn trippy quotes and this is just one of the funny ones (one of my other favourites is: “Actually I don’t remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.“) And on another quicker note, just to add to this blog seeing as I seem obsessed at the moment, while I was searching through photos of Jim Morrison on Google, I managed to find this one below (which is epically awesome). It was created by a fan recently quite obviously, but it is creative and I gotta give them a kudos for the effort, after all it does match up perfectly.

And now it’s time for another ‘Quote of the Week’ first – it’s going to be accompanied by the tune of the week. The easy listening track to accompany the quote. In this case it is, of course, by The Doors (get over it, I love them). This is the song that is now getting repeatedly stuck in my head simply because it’s so catchy and happy. Of course, there are others just as catchy and happy such as ‘Love her madly’ and ‘Break on Through’, but I’ve over played them so much it’s not funny – time for something different! LEARN TO LOVE IT! (and please excuse the shitty graphics on this vid, but it has good sound, which is what matters)

Love Street

March 27, 2010 Posted by | awesomeness, drugs, drunk/drinking, Quote of the Week, Quotes by People, youtube stuff | Leave a comment

New Years Eve 09/10

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Well the night didn’t start off as anything very exciting… We had to wait for almost an hour while Petia and Sigrid got ready – mean while I’m starving my arse off!

But eventually we went and got spring rolls and a drink at an absolutely deserted place. Then we headed to the Riverside Restaurant, which while having los of people there, wasn’t very exciting and was over priced.

So we moved on to Chivas Shack for the $1.75 cocktails. I skipped out on that round and instead went in search of a joint. A couple of streets over I found the place I’d been told I could one from, The Red Fox. I was denied at first because I didn’t want to buy a drink – just a joint. So I sat and talked to a 60 or 70 year old guy who was completely and utterly baked. He managed to score me a joint when he went to get another one with a beer. So I said thanks and left him.

Then I went back to Chivas – just in time to be introduced to the new guy in the group as Mum’s “weed child”. So I sat their smoking and everyone else drank until finally Mum turned to me and said, “So are you going to share that or what?!?” So then everyone shared it – including my now stiff uptight and prudish mother who previously used to smoke back in the 60’s and 70’s. Turns out the newcomer was actually a guy who did some teaching at Mum’s school, which freaked me out quite a bit seeing as she’d just introduced her child as a pot head to a colleague more or less.

He told us the place to be was definitely the Foreign Correspondents Club (FCC). It’s normally really busy there, but it was packed for new years. It was awesome as we were told it would be. We only just made it to the top floor as the countdown started, and we were standing on top of tables on the balcony trying to see the fireworks down riverside when the clock finally ticked over. It was pretty cool… Although it didn’t seem like such a great place when we learnt that seeing as it had been so busy, they were out of pretty much all the alcohol. So, we had a choice of mojitos or bourbon or beer. Seeing I hate bourbon and not the biggest fan of beer, I was mojitos all the way!

Mum had left by this stage and there were only five of us left including Mum’s colleague (who it turns out was only 22 when I thought he was way closer to 30). So we went to get some “happy pizza” and then after another two group joints, we headed off to this club called ‘The Heart of Darkness’ that Daniel (Mum’s colleague) knew about.

You could just walk through the door of that place and it was like a wave of disgust washed over you as soon as you looked around. It was honestly the seediest place I’ve ever seen or been to. It was absolutely horrible and disgusting. There were so many prostitutes in that place that you couldn’t walk more than a step without being surrounded by them. And to match that fact, there were a large amount of seedy old westerner men there checking out every girl with beady perverted eyes and chatting up girls who looked like they were around 15.

Horrible place and I’d never recommend it ever. It had a cool symbol for the logo though. And it’s probably going to be the only club you’ll ever see where they have traditional religious statues inside the club while it still acting in full swing as a raging whoring club.

Overall a good night, although I went home early at around 2.30ish. I wasn’t much in the mood for partying without friends, because I was tired, and because I’d had to sort out the fight with Dom over the phone as well before midnight. I didn’t still want to be in the middle of a fight when the clock ticked over and I was already so emotionally exhausted from all of that.

Anyways. That’s about it for the moment I guess.

January 1, 2010 Posted by | Cambodia/Vietnam Trip, Celebrations, drugs, drunk/drinking, experiences, Travel | 5 Comments

drugs, sex, rock and roll

Well, this is a new bog, considering the last one decided to break down on me and now screws up my internet every time I try to use it, which results in the internet freezing and me having to force quit all internet windows (including all porn – kidding)

My last bog was more philosophical and about worldly things and matters, but lately I’ve been feeling the need to just write about everything. Much like I used to in my diaries. The only problem with them was that my mother used to go through them, and not to mention the fact that I always used to get terrible hand cramps.

Now one might think it ironic that to get away from prying and intrusive eyes, I would turn to publishing my thoughts on the Internet, but really it makes sense. Here I’m an unknown person on another unknown computer in the world. Completely anonymous and someone (such as yourself) reads this, then I really don’t mind on account of the fact that the chances that we know each other are so incredibly small it’s not funny.

So anyways, I’ve noticed something lately – it seems like the latest craze this year amongst school kids seems to be watching TV series’ on DVD. I’ve found myself also becoming victim to this craze considering I went through a MAJOR Gilmore Girls phase last year and (sadly) ending this year. Last night and all of today I watched the whole first season of Skins, which is a magnificent TV series, produced by the Madman Television and SBS in Australia. It’s rated R18+ on account of its ‘High Level Drug Use’. I can’t exactly argue with this considering pretty much every single scene involves them either using drugs or talking about them.


Now I have never been a player for the drugs team and I’ve never exactly been a big fan. I had a close friend a few years ago that got seriously mixed up in that scene and it screwed her life up. She wound up addicted to a couple of different substances, a drunk and was admitted to institutions for trying to commit suicide three times and other acts of self-harming. She also mixed with the crowds that did the same sort of thing, which resulted with her getting boyfriend after boyfriend that was a bad influence, horrible to her, beat her, and forced her to do more drugs. Eventually it climaxed with one that beat her to a pulp after breaking into her house and she was hospitalised. For some insane reason she stayed with him after this happened. He continued to beat her frequently and finally she ended up bashed and pregnant after he had beaten and raped her. She STILL claimed that she loved him and he her.

I did my best to convince her she had to leave him and eventually she did after he paid to have the pregnancy “taken care of” (aborted). It wasn’t soon enough in my opinion, but she found it hard to let go of that whole scene. She after being on the straight path for a while eventually went back to her old ways and we drifted apart when she moved to the other side of the world. But needless to say, after seeing one of my closest friends go through this I became somewhat scared of losing a friend to drugs and I never touched the stuff myself. For a very long time I didn’t touch alcohol either.

Since then I think my ideals and morals have really changed. Watching Skins and all the drug use in there, I only saw a fun environment with heightened and crazy experiences. Popping pills (like ecstasy) and smoking marijuana doesn’t seem so bad and the ecstasy just seemed to make the raves even more exciting. Admittedly ecstasy is very much the party drug and the newest craze amongst my year group as far as drug craze’s go, but I had still thought of all the people in my year group that I heard about doing it as absolute wankers who were so incredibly stupid for doing it that it just wasn’t funny.

Don’t get me wrong, Skins has got the whole overdosing spin in it just to let you know that you can do some serious damage when you take drugs, but it still created a new, good light within my mind surrounding drugs such as pot and pills. I would still never touch anything heavy like heroin or acid or anything like that, but I have new thoughts about the lighter stuff – if any drug can really be called “lighter”. It has made me think that I might not be opposed to trying them if I was at a rave or all night or good party. Something good anyhow. Just to see what it would be like.

This year has been a big year of changing thoughts for me really. I’ve begun drinking a lot more and enjoy it – it’s become a combination of outlet and social lubricant so that I can enjoy things more. Of course when drinking, your enjoyment can also be very dependent on who you are with and most of my friends really are not helpful in that aspect. Because I’ve realised this about my friends so much more this year, I’ve been hanging out with some different crowds and been influenced by them.

On one camp I was with one of the boys and it came up that I would have to go back to our dorm with my friend before the other girls woke up and that we couldn’t stay in the boys dorm all night because of what the girls would say and think. One of the boys then turned around to me and said, “You’re 17 aren’t you? So you should be able to do what you want to do.” This really opened my eyes and made me realise that I wasn’t doing all the things I wanted to do. I also realised the fact that I didn’t mind the idea of doing or trying some of the things that I had previously been very opposed to. And if you follow my drift, the title of this blog refers to some of the things that have changed (except iv loved rock and roll for a very long time so it need not be counted).

So basically, watching Skins today was again an awakening to the ideas that are continually changing within my head. Thoughts both morally and idealistically about many subjects that are relevant to growing up in this day and age. But whether or not I give into these thoughts, or at least if I give into them any time soon, is another matter and a bridge I’ll cross when I get to it. At the moment I’m just happy waiting for the next party so that I can get drunk, party, dance and all that jazz 🙂

August 2, 2008 Posted by | drugs, morals, sex, skins | Leave a comment