…entre nous soit dit…

between me you and the gatepost.

insomnia

Things are spinning and spinning in my head.

I’m angry.
I’m frustrated.
I’m determined.

I want to lay waste to the world.

Be reckless and go crazy.
Show them all. Make them feel.
Defiance. Prove it to them. Stick it to them.

I’m not forgetable.
Not like that.

Reckless fun.
That’ll be me.

… Lay waste to the world…

July 3, 2010 Posted by | drunk/drinking, emotions, friends, Going Out on the Town, life, moods, Personal, sleep | Leave a comment

Ssssstudy mode….

Ok well I kind of fail at it….

 

… and I don’t do algebra or whatever that is…

 

But I am doing my ‘English: Crime and Violence in American Literature’ essay.

Topic of choice:

‘American culture regards sexuality, not physical violence, as the main arena of crime.’

Hello A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams… and a perfect night in writing an essay instead of out celebrating my last night in this horrid town for 5 weeks and the end of exams (well sort of).

Yes. Who really wants to go out and have fun when you can do this instead?


Hello sarcasm, my old friend.
Oh, how I adore you so. 

.

=)

June 19, 2010 Posted by | fun, Going Out on the Town, Literature, procrastinating, university | Leave a comment

Tonight

Well tonight should be interesting.

It will be the first time I’ve seen my boss since two weeks ago and there’s been a hell of a lot that has happened between then and now.

I’m secretly hoping he won’t be there…

… But I doubt I’ll be so lucky.

Game plan: fingers crossed, and failing that, don’t drink!

June 5, 2009 Posted by | friends, Going Out on the Town, people, Personal | Leave a comment

My Boss: Part 10 (Pain Sets In)

Ok so another sunday, means another day of working with my boss… and of course once again another confusing weekend to help screw with my mind.
So. Let’s start with last night:
If ever there was a plan created to ultimately get rid of my boss and leave, it would involve obviously clearing out of his life, but first I would hook up with a guy right in front of him. Of course I would have to be a cold hearted bitch to do that, but at least I now have proof that it will break him however slightly.
Last night we all went out and I was rather anxious about him coming out with us in the event that we were going to be drinking. His fiance was supposed to be coming out as well so I thought it would be fine on the majority… until she decided not to come. Then I started to freak and I was honestly on the verge of saying to him, look I’d feel better if you didn’t come out with us. Instead I settled for telling him to expect me to semi ignore him and run away from him if he did come out. That was the first thing that hurt him.
We all went over to my bosses house (which is like a mansion) because that’s where all of my bosses live together (seeing as they’re a family and all). At one stage I had to go up stairs to the toilet and I didn’t realise it until I got there but that mean walking through my boss and his fiancé’s room. I felt like I was intruding big time by being in there. It was so… strange… And while we were all down stairs drinking they both disappeared up to their room for a while and we were all joking about them having sex and all that jazz… we knew they were fooling around but not quite that far. I felt awkward being in the house then. It was kind of horrible actually. All claustrophobic and the like. So I suppose we both got a dish of that really.
We (the others and myself) managed to convince his fiance to come out with us in the end and because the taxis were so late, we ended up just going across the road to a usually crappy and lame club/bar because we couldn’t be bothered tripping it into the city so late at night. Turns out the club that’s usually really not good was actually really decent last night. 
While we were there we all drunk and danced. One of the girls (Jess) who has an overly protective boyfriend (that was absent this time thank god) was dancing just a little bit overly promiscuously with a random guy so I was trying to pull her away just a bit and making sure she didn’t do anything too silly (ironic really don’t you think?). While I stood to the side I started talking to a guy who seemed to be doing the same thing for his friend who was the one dancing with Jess. His name was Mark (I changed his name for this blog obviously) and we started chatting and flirting as you do when your in a club. I mean, why not?
Mark was nice and rather good looking (although the same height as me which was a bit strange for my usual taste in guys) so as the night went on we continued to chat and eventually we hooked up. I knew my boss was around somewhere and I just hoped that he didn’t see it, but admittedly I was slightly distracted at the time. After a while my boss and his fiance left – she wanted to go home so he walked her back and as far as I was aware he was going to stay with her… guess not. Turns out he had seen me hook up with Mark – cue the second thing that hurt him.
After Mark and I had been away from the others a while (talking and dancing etc) I said I had to go find the group and I found them all still on the dance floor. I saw my boss there and as soon as he looked at me he looked pained and walked off to the bar. I waited a couple of seconds and then went after him. I knew he would have been cut by what had happened so when I got to the bar I just stood beside him silently and looked at him. WE have a thing where we don’t necessarily need to talk. We sort of just read each others eyes. I dunno. It’s kind of weird I guess, but it works for us I suppose because we’ve now spent so long not being able to say things out loud, because it’s not right.
So we stood there together and I think the only things said was him saying, “But you know right?” and me replying, “Yeh. I know. I’m sorry.” Then one of my other bosses came towards the bar so moved slightly away from my boss so that we weren’t touching anymore (he previously had his arm around my waist and his head on my shoulder). So we all went back to the dance floor together again and then I noticed Mark coming past again. I walked over to him but couldn’t really hear what he was saying so I pulled him down the first flight of stairs that lead to the only exit and we stood against a wall there talking.
That’s when my boss left. He hadn’t been able to see us on the stair landing and had probably thought we went outside or something. Knowing him he probably went out to see if I was alright. Instead he saw us together on the stairs (and I found out today he thought we were making out at the time – which we weren’t). Cue the third time for the night that I hurt him. He said this was the one that hurt the most.
Of course my first instinct when I saw him start to come down the stair and then practically run down the last ones and out the door, was to follow him outside and go after him, but of course I couldn’t. Who knows what would have been said or done if I had, and plus I couldn’t exactly walk out on Mark that rudely – he was a nice guy! So my boss left. The others that I had come with came down the stairs a minute or so after him and said they were going to catch a taxi so I had to leave with them (because I wouldn’t leave with Mark. I’m not that much of a hussy). Mark walked me out to the taxi and I left. I had given him my number already, but as soon as I got into the taxi my first txt message went straight to my boss. I wanted to say sorry and make sure he was alright. I found out today that he ended up leaving and going for a rather extensive walk to work off the emotions. 
I knew coming to work today was going to be bad. He barely looked at me because he (said later before that he) couldn’t. After the first 20 minutes or so being silent between us in the store after we had everything set up, I eventually decided instead of standing there like a gimp all day just waiting for something to be said I would go fold T-shirts away from the counter. He did the same thing… with the T-shirts on the opposite side of the store to me. folding T-shirts is always the activity to turn to when you want to think and if you want to do it alone you do it at the wall and not at the counter. Eventually we both ended back up at the counter and he began to talk to me.
It was horrible because you can just see the pain in his face when he’s been hurt. Basically what hurt the most was that it was now real. He’d seen it himself. It was confronting, raw and real. All he had ever known was stories I had told him before. he knows more or less everything I’ve done with a guy – I talk to him a lot – but all they’ve ever been was stories. Not realistic images that’ll haunt him afterwards.
We got over it all this morning, but it was clear that the hurt was still there and he did say small things like when talking about his heart beat being really strong he said “yeah well it has been through some turmoil of late”. Small sliding comments like that.
And now I just feel pathetic, because after spending a whole day with him, I now feel like I’m having withdrawal symptoms because I’ve left work. I want to be with him somewhere and I have the phone next to me just waiting for him to text. It’s so pathetic. Honestly what have i come to…?!?

May 17, 2009 Posted by | emotions, Going Out on the Town, love, people, Personal, work | 2 Comments

My Boss: Part 5 (drunk texting)

Nothing new to add really. Nothing has happened because I haven’t seen him. Last night he was drunk texting me at one point because he was having a big night with the boys – but there was nothing shocking there.
But I realised that I never mentioned what happened last Friday. Just another tid bit of information to prove to myself that I’m not completely crazy and just deluding myself with these far fetched ideas.
Well, I’ve previously said that I’ve heard heaps of the stories from different stages in his life and I know most of his friends through the stories about them (plus I’ve met a couple of them) and I’m friendly with his dad whenever he comes in. Anyways, the other day my phone’s battery died and so I didn’t have it on for quite a few hours. In that time though my boss sent me a text saying “Are you out at the moment?”
At first when I saw it the next morning, I was like “what the hell??” and I was checking the phone and txt message records to make sure i hadn’t set him one or called him in my sleep or something – but I hadn’t. So seeing as I was already having a shit day, I decided to just leave it and let it go. If it was something important he’d either text me again or tell me on the sunday (the next day). So sure enough, I went to work the next day and one of the first things he said to me was, “So have you lost your phone again or are you just rude and not replying” as a joke. So I asked him about it naturally and he told me what happened.
On the Friday night he had been out drinking with his brother and a couple of their mates and he’d texted me to see if I just happened to be partying it up at the same time so then I could have met up with them. I was actually rather shocked by it. He wanted me to join a boys night out. I said as much to him. I said something along the lines of, “So what I was supposed to come meet up with all you fellas and then be chum buddys and just chill with the lads even though I would have been the only girl there?” He said yes.
Needless to say, there was a huge sign flashing in my head that was saying “Why me, and not his fiance?!?” closely followed by “Surely the fellas would have been like wtf?!?” It wouldn’t exactly have been easy to explain why some juvie girl from his work had come to chill with them at a bar. I just put it completely down to him being drunk, because I really can’t see that ever having worked. 
Meh. Tis done and over now.
Moving on.

April 10, 2009 Posted by | Going Out on the Town, Personal, secrets, work | Leave a comment