…entre nous soit dit…

between me you and the gatepost.

FUCK Twilight’s Eclipse and it’s Parrallels

Tonight we went to see the Twilght Saga’s third movie ‘Eclipse’.

Now I’m fairly impartial to the series and admittedly I read all the books super fast because at the time I really like them. I don’t mind the series at all and I’ve watched the first movie a ridiculous amount of times, however the last movie and this one (under a new director) really just don’t do it for me.

But watching it TONIGHT in particular, it really didn’t. I found myself wanting to scream at the screen whilst simultaneously wanting to shout at Dom afterwards as well. I actually had to restrain myself from getting up and walking out of the cinema at a couple of points, and I did so because I didn’t want to make a scene. Instead I had to be content with my effort not to cry, looking away at the glaring “EXIT” sign and pulling the top of my coke can apart. Its because of these recent few days, and everything which has come up as a result, that made me see it in a different light.

Here’s the thing with this movie: Bella loves Edward and has promised him a future. But she fucks Jacob over as well because she tries to “protect” him by lying (stupid lying cheating whore) and giving him false hope. And watching it this time round that struck too close to home.

Sound familiar at all to you?

Afterwards Kristie and I casually said in the book you naturally love and pick Edward, but in the movies, you would sooooooo totally pick Jacob because damnnnn he is FINE! Dom piped in at this point saying no way, Edward is way better, and Jacob is all whiney and a douche. He also added it was because Edward was willing to sacrifice everything for her whereas Jacob wasn’t prepared to sacrifice anything.

I wanted to argue that that was crap – Edward says that he’ll sacrifice anything and everything but it’s easy to say that when you know you won’t have to because you KNOW you’ve already got the girl – that they’re YOURS. Jacob on the other hand doesn’t have that, but he fights for her. He fights for THEM together, hoping like hell he could be enough to win her over and keep her. He gets so close only to have her turn away again because Edward comes back and says I want you again. Jacob will ALWAYS feel like the second choice because he IS the second choice but at least he fights for her. At least he tried his hardest and he gave her everything he has. Even when they were really close she was using him. And she constantly treats him like shit. Even after she lies to him like a whore and gives him false hope to “protect” him, and he finds out that, he still holds out for her:

Bella: “You know I love you.”
Jacob: “You know how much I wish it was enough.”
Bella: “Should I come back?”
Jacob: “I need some time… But I’ll always be waiting.”
Bella: *laughs quietly and whispers* “Until my heart stops beating.”
Jacob: *pauses* “Maybe even then.”

So yeah, totally shame on Jacob Black for HOPING and wishing like hell that she can actually learn to appreciate him. That she will one day choose him instead of the guy that leaves her and then comes back into her life only to be overly jealous of the other person she’s become close to – in the book Esward even tries to stop her seeing Jacob.

Once again I can just find so many parallels. Even if it is in the pathetic stories of the overly moody Edward, Bella and Jacob of Twilight.

And if u don’t like Twilight you can kiss my ass. I’m not a die hard fan, I just know when something makes me feel uncomfortable at how similar it is to aspects of my life.

Now by this stage its probably pretty obvious who I see myself as in this scenario. and no, its NOT Bella. They have their triangle and I have my triangle.

The only brightside is that eventually Jacob imprints (finds THE one for him/soul mate). I’m choosing to ignore the fact that its Edward and Bella’s kid that he imprints on, because to parallel that in MY life that would be fucking disturbing… But maybe that means if THEY end up together, I get to find someone who will blow my mind away and that I’LL be happy with.

And yes I’m well aware of the fact that writing about my “teen dramas” in my love life through the use of Twilight takes this post to a whole new level of super gay angst, but I’ve had roughly two and a half hours of DISTURBED sleep and I’m beyond caring.
So deal with it.


July 12, 2010 Posted by | depression, disapointment, epiphany, friends, love, moods, movies, observation, Personal | Leave a comment

Quote of the week # 35

“Love grows where trust is laid, and love dies where trust is betrayed.”

– unknown –

“Happiness serves hardly any other purpose than to make unhappiness possible.”

– Marcel Proust –

July 9, 2010 Posted by | depression, disapointment, experiences, life, love, moods, observation | Leave a comment


Things are spinning and spinning in my head.

I’m angry.
I’m frustrated.
I’m determined.

I want to lay waste to the world.

Be reckless and go crazy.
Show them all. Make them feel.
Defiance. Prove it to them. Stick it to them.

I’m not forgetable.
Not like that.

Reckless fun.
That’ll be me.

… Lay waste to the world…

July 3, 2010 Posted by | drunk/drinking, emotions, friends, Going Out on the Town, life, moods, Personal, sleep | Leave a comment

6 hours to go…

Alright it’s currently 3.10am and it’s just less than 6 hours to go until my first exam… and I have to get another 1500 words of another assignment done (and thats forgetting about the OTHER two assignments still overdue and not done… *sigh*). It’s looking like an all nighter which isn’t good for my sleeping patterns during exams. And not good for my study. My fault though for wasting study week on watching so many crap tv shows and movies.

I did just have a rather happy thought though. 

I’m not usually really superstitious or anything (apart from the normal try not to break mirrors or walk under ladders etc), but at the same time I see no point in pissing off kharma or whoever is up there or out there. Whatever. So in exams I make little rituals for myself that I hope and think give me good luck (and hopefully writing about them here won’t jinx me now). If nothing else, they’re just little things that make me more relaxed. 

  1. I always wear my converse.
  2. Every school exam I wore my school uniform (except maths which I didn’t have a care in the world about so I wore my PJs)
  3. During my final high school exams I used the same pen for every one of my exams until it ran out in the last one (and I had to use another similar pen haha)
  4. I always take in something that reminds me of the ones I love the most.

I was thinking about the last one just then – preparing in my head a list of all the things I need for tomorrow (today). For my granddad I have my locket  – which I always wear everyday anyway; my Dad I now take in a little dragon charm that represents my college – something he shares with me; my Mum – well I can take in virtually anything really haha but usually I count it as my charm bracelet; my sister I always wore a pearl bracelet of hers that I took years ago and she never noticed it was missing; there was a time when I used to take in this shitty little homemade bracelet for Jane, but that’s now buried in a box I keep; and the last thing I used to take in was a small orange guitar pick with a little snow flake on one side – that was always for Dom. Even in year 11.

But I realised I don’t need to do that this time. This time I’ll have my necklace with dragon, locket and paris charm (for petia), my charm bracelet, and every time I get stumped and mind blank, I’ll be able to look at my hand for something else. It’s not a guitar pick this time haha. Usually I would put it on my necklace, but this time I want to be able to see it easily.


I hate exams. But I don’t think this one will be so bad (fingers crossed I didn’t just jinx myself). It’s only first year Creative Writing after all haha 😀

June 7, 2010 Posted by | exams, happy, moods, university | Leave a comment

crazy times people, crazy crazy times.

I’m in a strangely crazy mood at the moment. Perhaps it’s the ridiculous lack of sleep in the past 24 hours and the strange dreams that I had in the one hour of sleep that I have had. Or maybe it’s the 6 caffeine pills I’ve taken in the last three hours whilst deleriously tired – My hands are shaking so that would suggest something to do with the caffeine.

But I don’t think that would affect my mind. I’m just in a curiously crazy state of mind at the moment – I’m rationalising things I would usually deem ridiculously stupid. I feel like flying to the other side of the world to live these holidays and on to next year on a wim. Like I could just spontaneously and suddenly book a plane ticket and leave. And my rationalisation for it is that I’m only young once and if I don’t follow this whim – something that I really want – then I’ll never know. Even if it does lead to disaster.

But omg I would do it. I would.

June 1, 2010 Posted by | life, moods, Travel | Leave a comment

I got a feeling…

I have a feeling that I’m going to look like the fool one of these days not too far away now…

…I just keep telling myself it won’t end up like that, but I’m beginning to think it may be inevitable…

May 24, 2010 Posted by | emotions, moods, Personal | Leave a comment

Go figure…

I don’t know why, but somehow I just managed to get so worked up again, and I ended up writing out what I wish I would say to Phoebe. I think I’ve been building it in my head for a long time, but I’ve never said any of it because it’s all me being angry and saying that for once she needed to look at herself instead of blaming me. I never said any of that stuff to her because I always thought I was largely at fault, therefore had to take to the fault and I always had to be nice to her and tip toe around her.

So I never let out any of my frustration.

Well this would do it if I could say it. It took me 3 hours and 8 pages. 

So…What now? Do I move on?

May 19, 2010 Posted by | emotions, friends, life, love, moods | 1 Comment