…entre nous soit dit…

between me you and the gatepost.

FUCK Twilight’s Eclipse and it’s Parrallels

Tonight we went to see the Twilght Saga’s third movie ‘Eclipse’.

Now I’m fairly impartial to the series and admittedly I read all the books super fast because at the time I really like them. I don’t mind the series at all and I’ve watched the first movie a ridiculous amount of times, however the last movie and this one (under a new director) really just don’t do it for me.

But watching it TONIGHT in particular, it really didn’t. I found myself wanting to scream at the screen whilst simultaneously wanting to shout at Dom afterwards as well. I actually had to restrain myself from getting up and walking out of the cinema at a couple of points, and I did so because I didn’t want to make a scene. Instead I had to be content with my effort not to cry, looking away at the glaring “EXIT” sign and pulling the top of my coke can apart. Its because of these recent few days, and everything which has come up as a result, that made me see it in a different light.

Here’s the thing with this movie: Bella loves Edward and has promised him a future. But she fucks Jacob over as well because she tries to “protect” him by lying (stupid lying cheating whore) and giving him false hope. And watching it this time round that struck too close to home.

Sound familiar at all to you?

Afterwards Kristie and I casually said in the book you naturally love and pick Edward, but in the movies, you would sooooooo totally pick Jacob because damnnnn he is FINE! Dom piped in at this point saying no way, Edward is way better, and Jacob is all whiney and a douche. He also added it was because Edward was willing to sacrifice everything for her whereas Jacob wasn’t prepared to sacrifice anything.

I wanted to argue that that was crap – Edward says that he’ll sacrifice anything and everything but it’s easy to say that when you know you won’t have to because you KNOW you’ve already got the girl – that they’re YOURS. Jacob on the other hand doesn’t have that, but he fights for her. He fights for THEM together, hoping like hell he could be enough to win her over and keep her. He gets so close only to have her turn away again because Edward comes back and says I want you again. Jacob will ALWAYS feel like the second choice because he IS the second choice but at least he fights for her. At least he tried his hardest and he gave her everything he has. Even when they were really close she was using him. And she constantly treats him like shit. Even after she lies to him like a whore and gives him false hope to “protect” him, and he finds out that, he still holds out for her:

Bella: “You know I love you.”
Jacob: “You know how much I wish it was enough.”
Bella: “Should I come back?”
Jacob: “I need some time… But I’ll always be waiting.”
Bella: *laughs quietly and whispers* “Until my heart stops beating.”
Jacob: *pauses* “Maybe even then.”

So yeah, totally shame on Jacob Black for HOPING and wishing like hell that she can actually learn to appreciate him. That she will one day choose him instead of the guy that leaves her and then comes back into her life only to be overly jealous of the other person she’s become close to – in the book Esward even tries to stop her seeing Jacob.

Once again I can just find so many parallels. Even if it is in the pathetic stories of the overly moody Edward, Bella and Jacob of Twilight.

And if u don’t like Twilight you can kiss my ass. I’m not a die hard fan, I just know when something makes me feel uncomfortable at how similar it is to aspects of my life.

Now by this stage its probably pretty obvious who I see myself as in this scenario. and no, its NOT Bella. They have their triangle and I have my triangle.

The only brightside is that eventually Jacob imprints (finds THE one for him/soul mate). I’m choosing to ignore the fact that its Edward and Bella’s kid that he imprints on, because to parallel that in MY life that would be fucking disturbing… But maybe that means if THEY end up together, I get to find someone who will blow my mind away and that I’LL be happy with.

And yes I’m well aware of the fact that writing about my “teen dramas” in my love life through the use of Twilight takes this post to a whole new level of super gay angst, but I’ve had roughly two and a half hours of DISTURBED sleep and I’m beyond caring.
So deal with it.

July 12, 2010 Posted by | depression, disapointment, epiphany, friends, love, moods, movies, observation, Personal | Leave a comment

Quote of the week # 35

“Love grows where trust is laid, and love dies where trust is betrayed.”

– unknown –


“Happiness serves hardly any other purpose than to make unhappiness possible.”

– Marcel Proust –

July 9, 2010 Posted by | depression, disapointment, experiences, life, love, moods, observation | Leave a comment

Blazaaaaar

There is absolutely nothing happening at the moment.

Nothing

Big fat nothing.

I’m sitting around on my ass (which is still bruised from snowboarding by the way -_-) watching TV shows and movies. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to start studying for my one exam left…. Stupid fucking exam. Meh. Politics is not interesting enough at the moment for me to want to get out of my lovely warm bed and draw myself away from my lovely hard drive full with 300GB worth of procrastination. Beautiful.

At least I’ve stopped going shopping all day every day. Then again, I had to restrain myself at some point from wasting away my precious savings, especially with my trip to Vietnam to see Dom less than a week away. This time next week I shall be attempting to sleep (probably rather unsuccessfully) on some ridiculously uncomfortable chair in the Kuala Lumpur airport with Kristie. And then at 8am the next morning I shall be in Hanoi and hopefully both Dom and Matt will be there as well… If not… well I’m sure Kristie and I will be able to find something to do in the mean time haha.

Tomorrow I will be picking up both of our passports with their new visas from the embassy (and splashing out $150 to cover them both ūüė¶ dangit) and then going to have lunch with Dad followed by buying a whooooooole lot of foreign currency to take away with me. YAY. Exciting yes?

Well that’s about as exciting as I’ve got at the moment.

I send a new picture (and let’s just say, it’s not your average kind of picture *wink wink* if you get what I mean) to Dom and what do I get? No reaction. Then again… at this point I don’t know if he’s even seen it yet.

Eh. Who knows. I’m in the mood for some ridiculously corny chick flicks and a 3rd bowl of ice-cream. PIG OUT SESH.

At least I haven’t had anymore fucked up dreams since a couple of days ago when I dreamt that Phoebe stabbed me in the neck with a fork… and then I passed out bleeding whilst she tricked the people that were trying to help me that she had already called an ambulance when in fact she hadn’t… by the time the people trying to help me realised there was no ambulance coming, called one, and it arrived, I would probably be dead. But I didn’t get that far into the dream. I just started to pass out with a dizzy light headedness and then woke up from the dream. I woke up with that tingling weird sensation on the spot where I had been stabbed – exactly the same as all my other dreams where I get hurt.

… Man I have some fucked up dreams predominately where I get hurt or killed…

Wonder what that means?

Eh.

Icecream tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime XD nighteo

June 29, 2010 Posted by | bored, dreams, observation, Personal, Travel | Leave a comment

More and more choices….

Well last night Dad dropped a bomb.

Apparently the agreement for college wasn’t that he would only pay for one year (which got extended to two on account of the fact that I got accepted half way through the year). I thought this was the deal, and after that I would have to pay for it myself because I didn’t just get a completely free ride.

As a result, I’d always figured that once that time ran out, I’d have to leave college. Because as much as I love it there, I can’t afford to pay for it myself, and even if I could I would not pay that money for college. I would use it for travel. I’d save it. Even though I love college, if it came down to a choice between travel and college, I’d pick the worldly experiences.

Soooooooooooo…..¬†This changes everything.

Before, I knew that this coming semester would be my last at college – the last thing holding me in the city. Once college was no longer an option, rather than torture myself by continuing Uni (something that I’m not enjoying at the moment) whilst moving back home (something else that I don’t really enjoy at all), I would instead fulfil my need to leave that place and instead get out to see some of the world. I was planning to leave at the end of the semester to go to either Canada or the USA to do a snowboard instructor internship – I pay to do the course and at the end of it there is a guaranteed job working with them. It sounded brilliant and if I wanted to do that, I really needed to jump onto that boat now before all the spots are taken. However, the ski season goes through until April – May sometimes…. and university starts in March.

Hence, I wouldn’t be able to stay the whole time… although I would maybe be able to get in 3 months worth of snowboarding time there… except 5 weeks of it is the training… so it’s just less than 2 months of actual work and I don’t think I’d earn enough in that time frame to even come away from it balanced – i think i will have spent more than I would have made. Which is shit.

But at least I’d be qualified to go across again the following season… when I will have almost have finished my degree.

The thing is, Dad’s hopes were apparently that I wouldn’t take a gap year at all and that I would just go through and do the rest of my degree in one hit – get it done and out of the way. And he would pay for me to be at college for that (of course I don’t think he’s aware that I’m actually at uni for an extra semester that a normal arts degree)…¬†And I take my Dad’s hopes really seriously. Because I don’t want to dispaoint him. There’s honestly very few things that I can think of that would be worse than disapointing Dad. And I don’t want to.

So I guess now it comes down to this semester – If by the end of this semester I think I can hack it and I can finish my degree in one shot, then I will do it. But if I’m still desperate for that time away, well there’s no point in wasting either Dad’s or my money.

On the bright side, at least this means that I could do the shakespeare courses coming up next year in first semester.I’ve been looking forward to them and was so annoyed that I would miss them if I went away. I love shakespeare. And Arts courses are on a rotational once every two years sort of thing.

Anyways, I’m off to bed now. I’m fucking knackered, it’s just past 1am and there’s a spider crawling around on the desk somewhere at the moment… and my lack of knowing of it’s precise whereabouts is kind of freaking me out at the moment…

So it’s goodnight time and I shall write again tomorrow (perhaps) haha.

xx

June 22, 2010 Posted by | college, ESCAPE!, family, observation, Personal, Travel, university | Leave a comment

Want vs. Obligation

I don’t want to have to ask you to do things like be there.

I want you to want to do them.

.

I want you to want them without me asking or having to tell you that’s what I want.

It shouldn’t have to be an obligation for you.

.
.
.
It shouldn’t be such a fucking effort for you. It should be easy because it’s such a nice thing to do.
I don’t want it to be you
obligation.

June 22, 2010 Posted by | observation, Personal | Leave a comment

Quote of the Week #32

“And when the future hinges on the next words that are said, don’t let logic interfere, believe in your heart instead.”

– Philip Robinson

 

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.”

– Alex Tan

 

Two quotes for today. I won’t bother explaining them though. I think they do that themselves. Plus I’ve been told my blog is too depressing, and I wouldn’t want to add to that with another story here. So there it is. That’s the end. Enjoy.

June 6, 2010 Posted by | observation, Quote of the Week, Quotes by People | Leave a comment

Kraitie, Cambodia…. aka a smelly hole of a town

I can not emphasise my disdain for this place enough. I was stubborn and said to my mother that I wanted to stay there for at least one whole day (which meant 2 nights), because I wanted to look around. She said, one night was more than necessary and that most people only stop there for a couple of hours.

Turns out she was right. There was nothing to do essentially unless you want to be one of those ripped off tourists that goes to see the dolphins in their no doubt awfully treated and ruined environment (although admittedly there¬†are¬†rare dolphins). But no sooner had I got to Kraitie, that I realised that I was going to have to bite the bullet and admit that I didn’t wanted to stay the two nights. Heck, I wanted to get out of there within an hour of arriving. But whatever. Who doesn’t love¬†traipsing¬†through sludgy mud in the market streets and, from a one block radius, being able to smell a rotten kidney mixed with heaven knows what else smell. It’s horrible.

If, however, you do happen to have to travel through there, then here’s a map of where I stayed (seeing as there seems to be a large lacking of maps of kratie town¬†on google, my makeshift one will have to do):

In case it’s hard to read, the little red thing at the bottom is approximately where my¬†bus came in and stopped, however different bus companies will stop in different places obviously. The Yon Hong 2 is where I stayed (next to the markets) and is clearly visible on the map (#91, street 8, Kratie). And the Yon Hong 1, where we were originally heading, is on the lower right corner – from the waterside road, look for a low building on the corner with a big one behind it (blocked from the road). The side of the taller one has Yon Hong written on the side of it in big letters – that’s where it is.

However, after checking out the place a bit and walking around, we discovered that the commissioned tuktuk drivers that tried to take us to some new places, actually¬†did come from a decent place (bottom left of the map)…. but unfortunately I can’t remember the name of it. Just what the pictures on the brochure he showed us looked like.

The Yon Hong 2 was shit to say the least – the beds weren’t brilliant and I didn’t want to touch their blankets (thank god for silk lining sleeping bags – best investment I ever made in Asia), the bathroom was pretty rank, but worked and had toilet paper, and the balcony brought up the waft of kidney smell if you went out to it; but it was only $5 a night for a twin share room, and I can suffer for one night at that price. They had internet on the computers downstairs which you could pay for (although wifi is rife throughout most places in Cambodia now, apparently Kratie is yet to catch up), and the meals were pretty decent… although I stuck to museli and yoghurt for $2 the whole time because it’s both filling and there’s a hell of a lot less chance of getting food poisoning in comparison to eating meat. Although Mum reckoned the Amok was decent.

May 18, 2010 Posted by | Cambodia/Vietnam Trip, just a quick note, Notes, observation, Travel | Leave a comment