…entre nous soit dit…

between me you and the gatepost.

insomnia

Things are spinning and spinning in my head.

I’m angry.
I’m frustrated.
I’m determined.

I want to lay waste to the world.

Be reckless and go crazy.
Show them all. Make them feel.
Defiance. Prove it to them. Stick it to them.

I’m not forgetable.
Not like that.

Reckless fun.
That’ll be me.

… Lay waste to the world…

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July 3, 2010 Posted by | drunk/drinking, emotions, friends, Going Out on the Town, life, moods, Personal, sleep | Leave a comment

Car crash.

It’s been raining this afternoon. Not too heavily I don’t think because I’d been home all afternoon studying and I didn’t hear it bucketing down or anything, but enough to create rather wet roads here. Last time it rained and I was driving in Dad’s car I had my foot to the floor on the brakes and that almost wasn’t enough to stop me sliding down a hill into the intersection. I had honestly though I was going to hit a car going past that time but I managed to just miss it luckily. I didn’t know whether it was that there was no grip on Dad’s tyres or if the bakes were dying, but I suspect probably a deadly combination of the two.

Today though, I was driving along at a pretty moderate speed, considering it had been raining, and I was going around a bend in the road – one which isn’t too sharp a turn, but still a bend nonetheless. I didn’t think it was a big enough turn to do this, but apparently on a wet road it is. I felt the car start to turn a bit on its own and turned the wheel to compensate. A second later it did it again but it went out of control and neither me semi screaming or trying to turn the essentially useless steering wheel seemed to control or help the situation in any manner.

The car did a full skid and swing, turning a complete 180 degrees on it’s own to the other side of the road, whilst I was trying to use the brake but not so much that it would make me completely skid out of control. I ended up on the curb of someones driveway at a stop, shaken and frantically looking for any cars coming in that direction and that could potentially rear end me. Thankfully there wasn’t any cars there at the same time as it happened or I would have hit them and had a potentially serious car crash. And thankfully I also didn’t manage to lose control until the point where I was in the clear of missing the traffic island and big poles in the centre of the two lanes. That probably would have resulted in one of two outcomes: hitting it at an angle or straight on and bringing me to a stop but also mangling Dad’s car; or mounting the curb with one wheel just enough to have the possibility of the car rolling onto it’s side.

Dad only drive’s a small Peugot Astra thank god. If it had of been a four wheel drive or something I would have been fucked.

But most of this posts has been about “ifs” and “luckily” nots. In the scenario I got, I ended up fine other than having my nerves and any confidence left in that car shaken up like a milkshake. I hate that car.

July 2, 2010 Posted by | death, Personal, rain | 1 Comment

Blazaaaaar

There is absolutely nothing happening at the moment.

Nothing

Big fat nothing.

I’m sitting around on my ass (which is still bruised from snowboarding by the way -_-) watching TV shows and movies. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to start studying for my one exam left…. Stupid fucking exam. Meh. Politics is not interesting enough at the moment for me to want to get out of my lovely warm bed and draw myself away from my lovely hard drive full with 300GB worth of procrastination. Beautiful.

At least I’ve stopped going shopping all day every day. Then again, I had to restrain myself at some point from wasting away my precious savings, especially with my trip to Vietnam to see Dom less than a week away. This time next week I shall be attempting to sleep (probably rather unsuccessfully) on some ridiculously uncomfortable chair in the Kuala Lumpur airport with Kristie. And then at 8am the next morning I shall be in Hanoi and hopefully both Dom and Matt will be there as well… If not… well I’m sure Kristie and I will be able to find something to do in the mean time haha.

Tomorrow I will be picking up both of our passports with their new visas from the embassy (and splashing out $150 to cover them both ūüė¶ dangit) and then going to have lunch with Dad followed by buying a whooooooole lot of foreign currency to take away with me. YAY. Exciting yes?

Well that’s about as exciting as I’ve got at the moment.

I send a new picture (and let’s just say, it’s not your average kind of picture *wink wink* if you get what I mean) to Dom and what do I get? No reaction. Then again… at this point I don’t know if he’s even seen it yet.

Eh. Who knows. I’m in the mood for some ridiculously corny chick flicks and a 3rd bowl of ice-cream. PIG OUT SESH.

At least I haven’t had anymore fucked up dreams since a couple of days ago when I dreamt that Phoebe stabbed me in the neck with a fork… and then I passed out bleeding whilst she tricked the people that were trying to help me that she had already called an ambulance when in fact she hadn’t… by the time the people trying to help me realised there was no ambulance coming, called one, and it arrived, I would probably be dead. But I didn’t get that far into the dream. I just started to pass out with a dizzy light headedness and then woke up from the dream. I woke up with that tingling weird sensation on the spot where I had been stabbed – exactly the same as all my other dreams where I get hurt.

… Man I have some fucked up dreams predominately where I get hurt or killed…

Wonder what that means?

Eh.

Icecream tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime XD nighteo

June 29, 2010 Posted by | bored, dreams, observation, Personal, Travel | Leave a comment

So beautiful…

When I first got to our resort that we’re staying at, I was amazed at how gorgeous it was – and that was when it was dark and barely visible. I sent a message to Dom saying that if I ever though Mum was a snob when it came to acommodation, Dad out did her on this trip haha.

This morning though, it was GLORIOUS. There was frost outside and the lake had mist on it. The sun was just coming out on the mountains.

G. L. O. R. I. O. U. S.

The photos don’t even do it justice…

June 27, 2010 Posted by | experiences, family, happy :), just a quick note, Personal, SNOW!! | 2 Comments

I looooove snow :)

Day one snow boarding = mega mega mega HAPPY!!!!!!!


June 27, 2010 Posted by | experiences, fun, happy :), Personal, SNOW!! | Leave a comment

More and more choices….

Well last night Dad dropped a bomb.

Apparently the agreement for college wasn’t that he would only pay for one year (which got extended to two on account of the fact that I got accepted half way through the year). I thought this was the deal, and after that I would have to pay for it myself because I didn’t just get a completely free ride.

As a result, I’d always figured that once that time ran out, I’d have to leave college. Because as much as I love it there, I can’t afford to pay for it myself, and even if I could I would not pay that money for college. I would use it for travel. I’d save it. Even though I love college, if it came down to a choice between travel and college, I’d pick the worldly experiences.

Soooooooooooo…..¬†This changes everything.

Before, I knew that this coming semester would be my last at college – the last thing holding me in the city. Once college was no longer an option, rather than torture myself by continuing Uni (something that I’m not enjoying at the moment) whilst moving back home (something else that I don’t really enjoy at all), I would instead fulfil my need to leave that place and instead get out to see some of the world. I was planning to leave at the end of the semester to go to either Canada or the USA to do a snowboard instructor internship – I pay to do the course and at the end of it there is a guaranteed job working with them. It sounded brilliant and if I wanted to do that, I really needed to jump onto that boat now before all the spots are taken. However, the ski season goes through until April – May sometimes…. and university starts in March.

Hence, I wouldn’t be able to stay the whole time… although I would maybe be able to get in 3 months worth of snowboarding time there… except 5 weeks of it is the training… so it’s just less than 2 months of actual work and I don’t think I’d earn enough in that time frame to even come away from it balanced – i think i will have spent more than I would have made. Which is shit.

But at least I’d be qualified to go across again the following season… when I will have almost have finished my degree.

The thing is, Dad’s hopes were apparently that I wouldn’t take a gap year at all and that I would just go through and do the rest of my degree in one hit – get it done and out of the way. And he would pay for me to be at college for that (of course I don’t think he’s aware that I’m actually at uni for an extra semester that a normal arts degree)…¬†And I take my Dad’s hopes really seriously. Because I don’t want to dispaoint him. There’s honestly very few things that I can think of that would be worse than disapointing Dad. And I don’t want to.

So I guess now it comes down to this semester – If by the end of this semester I think I can hack it and I can finish my degree in one shot, then I will do it. But if I’m still desperate for that time away, well there’s no point in wasting either Dad’s or my money.

On the bright side, at least this means that I could do the shakespeare courses coming up next year in first semester.I’ve been looking forward to them and was so annoyed that I would miss them if I went away. I love shakespeare. And Arts courses are on a rotational once every two years sort of thing.

Anyways, I’m off to bed now. I’m fucking knackered, it’s just past 1am and there’s a spider crawling around on the desk somewhere at the moment… and my lack of knowing of it’s precise whereabouts is kind of freaking me out at the moment…

So it’s goodnight time and I shall write again tomorrow (perhaps) haha.

xx

June 22, 2010 Posted by | college, ESCAPE!, family, observation, Personal, Travel, university | Leave a comment

Want vs. Obligation

I don’t want to have to ask you to do things like be there.

I want you to want to do them.

.

I want you to want them without me asking or having to tell you that’s what I want.

It shouldn’t have to be an obligation for you.

.
.
.
It shouldn’t be such a fucking effort for you. It should be easy because it’s such a nice thing to do.
I don’t want it to be you
obligation.

June 22, 2010 Posted by | observation, Personal | Leave a comment